


owe you one

by okamiwind



Category: Korean Actor RPF, NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, First Kiss, Hand Jobs, M/M, Sexile, Social Anxiety, Strangers to Lovers, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:15:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23858947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okamiwind/pseuds/okamiwind
Summary: all it takes is one favor
Relationships: Moon Taeil/Park Hyungsik
Comments: 12
Kudos: 49





	owe you one

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lapremierelune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lapremierelune/gifts).



Taeil has known Hyungsik for approximately 56 days. 

He knows that Hyungsik is handsome, smart, and funny. He knows that Hyungsik came from a rich family and had his pick of colleges. He knows that Hyungsik has a close-knit group of friends, both male and female, and he’s never heard a bad word about him. Taeil knows that Hyungsik is perfect, the perfect human being, and he’s never doubted that for a second. 

Unfortunately, while Taeil has known Hyungsik for approximately 56 days, it has also been approximately 56 days since they last spoke to each other. 

Hyungsik was Taeil’s first acquaintance at orientation, but their paths soon diverged. Taeil is a nursing major, Hyungsik majoring in business. While they should have the opportunity for a few gen-ed overlaps, Taeil got most of his requirements out of the way thanks to credits he snagged in high school. 

Seeing Hyungsik walk across the quad all buddy buddy with the other guys on their floor, that alone makes Taeil wish he hadn’t been so diligent. 

College has been a whirlwind, though not necessarily the good kind of whirlwind. Taeil is used to effortlessly cruising through classes, not having to study much and still acing tests. His nursing program is different, and over the course of his first two months, he is shaken to his very core as he gets back Bs and then a fucking _C_.

Taeil sits in the library with his head in his hands as the chill of mid-October creeps into him. He’s been studying for _Foundations of Nursing Practice_ , for Statistics and for Nutrition as well, and there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day to cram in as much information as he’ll need for his midterms. 

He thinks about potentially going to the tutoring center for the first time in his life, and it is not a fun thought to entertain. He doesn’t actually _need_ tutoring, he doesn’t think, but it is just so fucking difficult for him to focus anywhere else besides his dorm. In the library, even if it’s quiet, there are too many people moving around, too many opportunities to be distracted. He thumps his head on his open textbook, frustrated to the max. 

When he checks his phone, he realizes that it is past eleven and the library will be closing soon. He’s been sitting there for so long, and still, he hasn’t made any progress. It is a lost cause for the evening, he decides, and he packs up his things, promising himself that tomorrow he will make sure that he is well-prepared. 

Crossing the campus, all is quiet and still. Taeil holds his backpack by the shoulders, and he tries not to let the evening bother him. Or the day. Or every day of the past week. 

He keys into his dorm, and he rides the elevator up to the fourth floor. He steps out once the doors slip open, and he walks down the hall to his room. He takes his keys from his pocket, begins to unlock his door, and he hears a sudden flurry of movement. 

Frowning, he turns the key, and just as he pushes the door open, his roommate appears, a sheet around his waist. 

“Hey,” he says, face flushed. Taeil grimaces. “What’s up?” 

“I told you I was gonna be back,” Taeil says. “I was just at the library.” 

“It was getting late,” his roommate says. “I thought you decided to stay out.” 

“Well, I’m back now,” Taeil says, and he takes his key out of the door. “Can I come in now?” 

“I’m sort of in the middle of—” 

“Someone,” Taeil says. “Well, kick her out, please.” 

The roommate waffles for a second, and Taeil breathes out, frustrated. 

“Just this once,” his roommate says. “I swear to God, this is the last time.” 

Taeil groans. It is the worst day of his entire life, and he is the world’s doormat. 

“Whatever,” Taeil says. “Just… stay on your side of the room, I guess.” 

“You’re the fucking coolest roommate of all time,” his roommate says, and while Taeil is not sure that’s the case, he is certainly better than _his_ roommate. 

The door is swiftly shut in Taeil’s face. 

Faced with the choice of insurrection or acceptance, it is obvious that he will never stand up for himself. He will always take the easy way out, which is to say the way that causes others least trouble, even if it is what causes himself significant trouble. 

He goes down to the vending machine room, grabs himself a can of coffee, and heads to the room with the communal television. He sits down on one of the big comfy chairs, flops down onto the chair, and sighs. 

He dreams about a world where things were easier, a world where he wasn’t struggling with his work, where he could fall asleep at night in his own bed instead of in the common area’s chair. This chair has probably been spit on. This chair has probably been _fucked_ on. Taeil groans. He should think about literally anything else. 

“Oh.” 

Taeil takes his hand from over his face, looks up to the doorway, and sees… Hyungsik. He nearly falls over as he sits up sharply. 

“H-Hi,” Taeil says. “Sorry, I didn’t—”

“I didn’t think there’d be anyone here,” Hyungsik smiles. “Didn’t think I’d be interrupting alone time.” 

“Yeah,” Taeil says, vaguely uncomfortable. “I didn’t… well, it wasn’t exactly my first plan for the evening.” 

“No?” Hyungsik says, and he leans against the doorway, his legs long, alluring. “What was your first plan?” 

Taeil snorts. “Go to bed and wallow in self-pity?” 

“So, same as every day?” 

Taeil spits out another laugh, and Hyungsik smiles at him. It is charming, lovely, and Taeil covers his hands with his face. 

“My roommate banished me,” Taeil says through his hands. 

“Wow, that’s a bummer,” Hyungsik says. “Did you tell him that wasn’t cool with you?” 

“Well, sort of,” Taeil says.

“So, _no_.”

“That would require me to be honest with another human being about how I feel.” 

Hyungsik laughs, and it makes Taeil look at him. What is Hyungsik doing here? Why did he come to the common area? 

“Here I thought you had it all figured out,” Hyungsik comments. Taeil gives him a disbelieving look. “What?” 

“I just… you know when people have a concept of you?” 

“ _Yeah_ ,” Hyungsik says. 

“I hate that,” Taeil replies, and Hyungsik splits into another handsome smile, a contagious one. Taeil feels himself smiling, and he looks down to his coffee. 

“Come on.” 

He looks up, and Hyungsik has his bag hiked over one shoulder, effortless and cool. 

“What?” Taeil asks. 

“I don’t have a roommate,” Hyungsik says, “so if you were looking for a place to crash tonight, you can take my spare bed.” 

“W-Wait, really?” 

“Sure, why not?” He shrugs his shoulders. “Least I can do.” 

It is _not_ the least he could do, Taeil thinks, gathering his things and following Hyungsik out of the common room and back to the elevators. The least he could do is nothing, but still, Taeil doesn’t think he’s in a position to go judging nice things. He keeps quiet as they ride the elevator back up to the fourth floor, and once Hyungsik is unlocking his room, it hits Taeil. 

He’s going to be spending the night with Hyungsik. It won’t be exactly how he dreamed it, but still, a step forward is a step forward, right? 

“Sorry if this was weird to offer,” Hyungsik says, and he opens the door and steps in, motioning for Taeil to follow. “I know we don’t, like, talk or anything.” 

“Yeah,” Taeil says shyly. “B-But it’s not weird. It was really nice. Thank you. I’ll totally owe you one.” 

“Oh, cool,” Hyungsik says, and he puts his bag down, sits on his bed. “I am in the business of collecting ones.” 

“Yeah?” Taeil says, standing there awkwardly. “Well, then, yeah, I’ll owe you one.” 

Hyungsik sits there, smiling at Taeil, and Taeil has no choice but to smile back at him. Altogether, it is the strangest, whiplashiest evening of all time. Taeil is only attempting to keep his head above water. 

“You can sit,” Hyungsik says, and he kicks off his shoes. “I mean, if you were planning on sleeping, you’ll probably need to sit down first.” 

“I usually fall face first into bed,” Taeil smiles, and he toes off his shoes too, setting his bag down next to the spare desk. “Sorry if I’m like, you know, interrupting your rhythm or whatever.” 

“No worries,” Hyungsik says. “I was gonna run to the bathroom real fast, though. Brush my teeth and stuff.” 

“Okay,” Taeil says. “I’ll, uh, I’ll just wait here, I guess.” 

“Here,” Hyungsik says hurriedly, and he navigates to his closet, grabs a pair of gym shorts before tossing them to Taeil. “You can borrow these to sleep in.” 

Taeil looks down at the shorts, realizing that _yes_ , it would have been really uncomfortable sleeping in jeans, but wouldn’t it be _more_ uncomfortable sleeping in a pair of Hyungsik’s shorts? 

“Be right back,” Hyungsik says, and he grabs his toothbrush and his toothpaste, waving towards the bed. “Make yourself at home and stuff.” 

And then, very suddenly, Taeil is alone in Hyungsik’s dorm room. 

He waffles for several seconds, looking around. There isn’t a lot of decoration, but Taeil thinks that’s part of what makes Hyungsik so cool. It’s sparse, minimalist, and it smells richly like Hyungsik’s cologne. Taeil inhales deeply, looking around. There are a few pictures taped to the white cinderblock wall, and Taeil looks as he steps out of his jeans, folding them up. Hyungsik and his friends, all smiles. Taeil smiles as he looks at them, thinking _If only I could be one of those friends, if only he could fall in love with me._

He pulls his shirt over his head, folding it over top his jeans on the spare desk. He steps into the shorts, pulling them up quickly, and he tries to focus. All he has to do is make it out of this alive. All he has to do is not completely make an utter fool of himself in front of Hyungsik. All he has to do, for a change, is be normal. 

Hyungsik knocks on the door before he pushes inside, smiling at Taeil. 

“Comfy?” Hyungsik asks. 

Taeil feels a bit self-conscious, not sure what to do with his hands. 

“Yeah,” he says. “Thank you again.” 

“No problem,” Hyungsik says, and then he starts stripping himself of his shirt. 

Taeil feels like he should avert his eyes, so he quickly grabs his phone, bringing up the notes application so he can pretend like he’s texting someone. He doesn’t really text anyone except for his mom, so he mostly just types nonsense. 

Unable to deny himself, though, he flicks his eyes up, and it is a huge mistake. There is so much bare skin, delicious and tanned, and Taeil’s mouth falls open as Hyungsik pushes his pants off. 

He stands there in just his briefs, back turned to Taeil as he fiddles with his closet, and Taeil thinks that straight men shouldn’t be allowed to be so fucking handsome. It is pure torture. 

Hyungsik turns back, a pair of shorts in his hands, and he raises his eyebrows at Taeil. It is then that Taeil realizes he’s been asked a question. 

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you,” Taeil says. 

“I asked how your studying for midterms is going,” Hyungsik says. “Nursing major, right?” 

Taeil is shocked that he knows that, but he nods quickly. “Yeah, I’m… well, honestly, it’s a lot harder than I thought it’d be.” 

Hyungsik laughs. “Yeah, man. Same boat.” 

“Do you think you’re gonna do okay?” Taeil asks. “I mean, probably, right?” 

“Hopefully,” Hyungsik answers. “I’ve got a couple papers and then three exams.” 

Taeil hunches his shoulders, letting his posture go bad. “College sucks.” 

“You think so?” 

Taeil snorts. “Yeah. I kinda wish things were different.” 

Hyungsik steps into his gym shorts, and Taeil mourns for the small loss. He watches as Hyungsik flops onto his bed, hands behind his head as he stares at the ceiling. 

“How do you mean?” he asks. 

He knows that he should stop this conversation before it gets too sad, before he lets go of a little too much. _We haven’t spoken since orientation_ , he reminds himself. _He has friends, and you aren’t one of them._

“It’s just been hard lately,” Taeil shrugs. 

Hyungsik nods like he can understand, like he has any idea what Taeil is going through. Taeil lies down on the spare bed, and he closes his eyes, content to spend this strange evening biting his tongue, ignoring what he really wants to say. 

At the other side of the room, Hyungsik makes a sudden sound. Taeil opens his eyes again, lying on one side so he can watch Hyungsik rifle through his closet once more. He emerges with a blanket, old and worn, and he quickly tosses it across the room. It lands on Taeil, and he sputters for a moment. 

“Sorry,” Hyungsik says shyly. “Almost forgot you’d need something.” 

The blanket smells unbelievably like Hyungsik, and Taeil buries himself underneath it as Hyungsik turns off the lights. They lie there in silence for several seconds, and then Hyungsik makes a soft sound. 

“What?” Taeil says. 

“It’ll get better, you know,” Hyungsik says. “I think, like, it’s hard for everyone at first, right? But it does get better as time goes on.” 

The achingly hollow part of his chest seems to fill as Hyungsik’s words seep into him. Is Hyungsik just saying these things, _doing_ these things because he thinks Taeil is pitiful? Is he really that embarrassing that popular, cool people feel the need to… _spare_ him? 

“Are you okay?” Hyungsik asks. 

“I dunno,” Taeil says sadly. 

“Well, look at it this way,” Hyungsik says softly. “You’ve always got buddies. So things could certainly be worse.” 

Lying there in Hyungsik’s room, wrapped in Hyungsik’s blanket and his shorts, breathing Hyungsik’s air. Taeil feels himself inclined to agree as his eyes slip shut for the evening. And what a strange, lovely evening it was.  
  


∑

Taeil wakes the next morning intensely aware of where he is.

“Morning, roomie,” Hyungsik says cheerily. 

Taeil sits up sharply, patting his hair down as he holds the blanket to his chest. “What time is it?” 

“8:23,” Hyungsik says, but he is fully dressed, looking totally prepared for the day. “You look like you’re running late.” 

“I always look like that.” 

Hyungsik snorts, and he grabs his bag. “I was gonna run to the cafe before I have to head to the library.” 

Taeil’s heart falls to his feet. “Oh, yeah. Totally.” 

“Go get dressed,” Hyungsik says, and he gestures like _Up and at ‘em_. “Unless you don’t wanna come, obviously.” 

“Oh, that’s, uh, that’s really nice,” Taeil says, and he clutches the blanket to his body, “but I don’t want to bother you anymore than I already have.” 

Hyungsik rolls his eyes. “Go get dressed. Brush your teeth. Breakfast is on me.” 

Taeil doesn’t usually eat in the cafe because he doesn’t have a meal plan, so the promise of something besides instant coffee and instant oatmeal for breakfast is pretty fucking impossible to ignore. 

He vaults off the bed, and Hyungsik spits out a laugh. Taeil grabs his clothes, hurries down the hall, but just as he’s about to unlock his room, he realizes—

“What?” Hyungsik asks, leaning against the wall. 

“They’re probably still… you know,” Taeil says. 

“So?” Hyungsik shrugs. “It’s your room too.” 

“Yeah, but I—” 

Hyungsik raps his knuckles hard against the door, raising his brows at Taeil as Taeil stands there, sputtering. 

“Go in,” he whispers. “Let’s move.” 

Whether spurred by Hyungsik’s hand at the center of his back or the dizzying light that swirls within his chest whenever Hyungsik looks _proud_ of him, Taeil bursts into the room. 

His roommate and the girl in his bed wake looking scandalized. 

“What are you doing here?” his roommate asks. 

“I’m getting changed,” Taeil says, voice very nearly shaking as he goes to his side of the room, swiping on deodorant. “A-And you should really start asking before you kick me out for the night. I have things I have to do too, you know, and I pay just as much as you do to stay here.” 

“Y—” 

“And I don’t appreciate that you never take your trash out,” Taeil says as he pulls a clean sweater over his head. “I mean, how hard is it to be clean? I’m not your mother, and I’m not your maid!” 

“Taeil, I—”

“Just, whatever,” Taeil says, and he pulls on some jeans, buttoning them up before he grabs his toothpaste and his toothbrush, gesturing with them. “Just be nice! Is that so hard?” 

He stalks out of the room, door slamming shut behind him, and Hyungsik’s eyes are blown wide.

“What?” Taeil asks. 

“Nothing, I just don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk like that,” Hyungsik says, and he stands up a little straighter. “I’m impressed. You stood up for yourself.” 

“Yeah,” Taeil says. “Well, I guess… it was finally time.” 

Hyungsik melts into a smile, and he reaches out to punch Taeil in the shoulder gently. Taeil stares down at that, looks back up at Hyungsik’s perfect face. 

“This is cause for celebration,” Hyungsik says, and he walks down the hallway, doesn’t even look over his shoulder. “Coming?” 

Taeil hurries after him, not wanting to be left behind.  
  


∑

Taeil has been to the cafe approximately twice, and both times were for coffee when he was in desperate need. He follows Hyungsik around, and then, he sees the waffle maker.

“They’ve got fresh fruit and whipped cream too,” Hyungsik says excitedly. 

“I can’t remember the last time I had a waffle,” Taeil says. 

“Then you will have a waffle today,” Hyungsik says, “for standing up for yourself for a change.” 

If anyone else said that to him, he might have felt scolded. From Hyungsik, it feels like a medal around his neck. 

They get their food, and Taeil honestly can’t remember the last time he was so fucking happy. Standing next to Hyungsik, he feels like _someone_. He follows Hyungsik up to the register, the smell of sugary baked goods and fresh coffee just under his nose. Hyungsik gestures back to him, tells the man working that he’ll swipe for both meals, and Taeil shyly follows him to a table after everything is said and done. 

They dig in, and in Taeil’s professional opinion, it is the best waffle he’s ever tasted in his entire life. Sitting across from Hyungsik, of course, that only sweetens the deal. 

“Can I tell you something stupid?” Hyungsik asks. 

“S-Sure,” Taeil says, and he quickly takes a sip of his coffee, clearing his throat. “What?” 

“I never really see you around,” Hyungsik says. “And, like, I was trying to figure out why I was noticing that, you know? Like, if it was anyone else, I don’t really think I would have noticed, but for some reason, because it was you, I couldn’t help it. You know?” 

“Oh,” Taeil says, and a furious blush rises to his face, “uh, yeah.” 

“So I was thinking to myself,” Hyungsik says, and he picks up a piece of his bacon, gesturing with it, “I was thinking _Why do I want to see Taeil so badly?_ ” Hyungsik smiles at Taeil as he crunches through the bacon, raising his brows quickly. “Wanna know what I came up with?” 

Taeil nods, then says “Um, sure.” 

“I think I have a crush on you,” Hyungsik says, and then for a moment, all Taeil can hear is ringing in his ears. “Taeil?” 

“W-What did you say?” 

“I have a crush on you,” Hyungsik says. “Well, like, I think I have a crush on you. I don’t know for certain because, like, we never actually talk. So, like, maybe I just think you’re cute or whatever. I don’t know for sure.” 

A million things to say streak through Taeil’s head, and then a million more. _We should talk, then, because I already know I have a crush on you_ and _Didn’t you ever think to ask? I would have loved to talk to you_ and _We don’t have to talk, I can just sit and stare at you if that’s what you’re into._

What Taeil settles on, unfortunately, is “I’m depressed.”

“Oh,” Hyungsik frowns, “really?” 

“N-Not, like, I mean, I haven’t exactly seen anyone about it,” Taeil says. “But I’ve been doing a lot of research on the internet, and like, sometimes it feels that way. And I haven’t really been able to make friends here yet, and—” 

“But we’re friends,” Hyungsik says. 

“I mean, like, _actual_ friends,” Taeil says. “Like, people who talk. Like you said, we… we don’t talk.” 

“Well, I mean, if I knew you were struggling this much, I think I would have talked to you sooner,” Hyungsik says, his brows knitting together. “I’m sorry.” 

“No, no, I’m… I’m not saying it’s your fault, I’m just—God, this is coming out wrong,” Taeil says. 

“I confessed that I like you, and you immediately told me you were depressed,” Hyungsik smiles softly. “If anything, _that’s_ coming out wrong.” He raises his eyebrows exaggeratedly. “Get it? Coming out?” 

Taeil spits out a laugh, and he takes a grateful sip of his coffee. “I just mean, uh, that I think you’re probably mistaken.” He holds the cup between his hands, stares down at the black surface. “I mean, the reason you don’t see me much is because I don’t really, you know, go out much.” 

Hyungsik nods. “I get it.” 

“Do you?” 

“This is the classic _let me down gently_ ,” Hyungsik says, shaking his head.

“Are you joking?” Taeil laughs. “I’ve had a crush on you since we met at orientation.” 

Hyungsik perks up, and the action reminds Taeil of a puppy. “Really?” 

“Yeah, really,” Taeil says. “I mean, like, look at you.” 

“Yeah,” Hyungsik says, and he gestures to himself broadly. “Look at me.” He then passes a strip of bacon onto Taeil’s plate. “Wanna date or something?” 

“Are you bribing me with bacon?” 

“Is it working?” 

There are so many reasons he should say no. He knows that Hyungsik has somehow made a mistake, accidentally mixing Taeil and someone else up in his head. There is no reality where Hyungsik _likes_ Taeil. It just doesn’t fucking add up. 

Still, there is a hopeful, desperate part of Taeil that he just can’t shut up. 

“Yeah,” Taeil says. 

Hyungsik smiles, excited. He grabs his phone out of his pocket, and he hands it to Taeil. 

“Put your phone number in,” Hyungsik says. “We can talk all the time. A-And we can study together, even!” 

Taeil takes Hyungsik’s phone, nervously keying in his information. When Hyungsik takes it back, he smiles at the display, tapping fervently. Taeil’s phone buzzes on the table, and he sees an unknown number, Hyungsik’s, telling him _hey_

The rest of their breakfast passes Taeil by like a gradient of color, everything mixing and swirling together. They study in the library together, and Taeil can barely focus with Hyungsik sitting across from him. Could this be some joke? Could Hyungsik actually be serious? 

Hyungsik walks him back to the dorms, an afternoon class to go to, but he stops Taeil short. 

“Okay, so… let me just be clear here,” Hyungsik says, and _here it is_ , Taeil thinks, _he’s going to clarify everything, he’s going to straighten out the miscommunication_. “I’m definitely interested in you, but I think we should take things slow at first! Just be friends for a while, and make sure we have the same feelings before we jump into anything. Does that make sense?” 

It is so obvious that he’s _thought_ about this, thought about what to say beforehand. Taeil’s heart aches pleasantly in his chest as he looks up at Hyungsik, overwhelmed by the desire to hug him close, his head on Hyungsik’s chest. 

“Y-Yeah,” Taeil says, “that makes sense.” 

“Cool,” Hyungsik says, and he walks away, leaving Taeil in his wake. He turns sharply, walking backwards as he aims an intensely beautiful smile in Taeil’s direction, waving. “I’ll text you, okay?” 

“Okay,” Taeil says, and he gives Hyungsik a small wave. 

Hyungsik turns back around, and he takes to a jog towards his building. Taeil watches him disappear from sight, completely shocked and completely energized. Maybe he _will_ find it in him to pass his midterms. Maybe all he needed was one good thing.  
  


∑

The transition from before Hyungsik to after Hyungsik is like night and day.

Hyungsik, Taeil discovers, is a rabid texter, and Taeil’s phone practically never stops vibrating against him when they are apart. Hyungsik asks how Taeil is, asks about Taeil’s work, asks about Taeil’s family and his interests and his hobbies. Taeil feels a little weird talking about himself, but Hyungsik seems to hang on every word, eagerly replying until the night turns long. 

Taeil, for all his struggles, finds it easy to ask Hyungsik about himself. Whether Hyungsik is typing back his responses with no capital letters or punctuation, or leaning across the table strewn with books, it doesn’t seem to matter: he always looks at Taeil like he is the center of the universe. 

“We’re supposed to be studying,” Taeil reminds him. 

“I thought you _wanted_ to hear about my Lego collection,” Hyungsik says, and he sinks back into his seat. “Has this all been a sham?” 

“Probably,” Taeil says, and he buries his nose back into his book, avoiding the gravitational pull of Hyungsik’s eyes. 

They study for another couple minutes in silence, and Taeil has the opportunity to focus for approximately one second before Hyungsik’s voice shatters that silence. 

“Hey, I was just wondering, maybe after midterms, I could introduce you to my friends,” Hyungsik says, chin perched in his hands. “Would that be okay?” 

“U-Uh, yeah, I guess,” Taeil says. 

“Cool.” Hyungsik looks back down at his textbook before looking up at Taeil again. “Study.” 

“Oh, right,” Taeil says, and only after he’s studying the section titled _Essential Fatty Acids Have Unique Health Benefits_ once more does he feel Hyungsik’s foot gently nudge his own underneath the table.  
  


∑

Interestingly enough, having someone with him when he’s studying helps him focus. Occasionally, after they’re finished, he and Hyungsik go for coffee, and it feels cozy, sitting in the October air, the steam rising up from their cups. Taeil tries his best to memorize every little detail for whenever Hyungsik wakes up from this delusion and remembers that he is far better than what Taeil deserves. If nothing else, Taeil thinks, he will appreciate their time together.

Smartly, Taeil keeps his insanity locked up. He knows that guys don’t like hysterical women, and in his experience, they like hysterical men even less. He doesn’t access his crazy whenever Hyungsik is around, and honestly, he finds it really easy to pretend like he’s totally normal whenever Hyungsik does something _equally crazy_ like put his arm around Taeil’s body as they sit there, staring up at the night sky. 

“I know we’ve only been, like, hanging out for a little,” Hyungsik says softly. “But I’m pretty sure my initial assessment was correct?” 

Taeil stares down at his coffee, attempting to hide his smile. “Yeah?” 

Hyungsik’s arm around Taeil’s waist tightens just a touch before he relents. “Yeah. And I was thinking…” 

“About what?” 

“One of my friends is having a Halloween party,” Hyungsik says. “Would you maybe, like, wanna go with me?” He turns to face Taeil. “I know sometimes parties make you uncomfortable, but, like, I totally won’t leave you alone unless you wanna be left alone. And I’ll introduce you to everyone. And I’ll include you in conversations!” 

Maybe he hasn’t been as stealthy as he thought. 

“Okay,” Taeil says. “I’ll go.” 

Hyungsik lights up the night with his smile, overwhelming and handsome. Taeil nearly shies away from the brightness, but then, Hyungsik begins to lean in. Taeil has absolutely no idea what to do, but he shuts his eyes. He waits, and then, Hyungsik presses a kiss to his cheek. Taeil breathes out, unsteady, and he opens his eyes. Hyungsik is grinning at him, and Taeil resists the urge to smack him. 

“Thanks,” Hyungsik says. “I can’t wait to introduce you to everyone.” 

Taeil’s stomach sinks for reasons unknown to him, but once he is back in his dorm, once he’s lying in bed with a hand holding his cheek, he realizes that it’s because he’ll never be able to fit in with Hyungsik’s friends. 

Things will never work between them. He’ll ruin things slowly and very quickly, all at once, and Hyungsik will realize the mistake he’s made. Taeil will be right back where he started, friendless and hopeless.  
  


∑

Midterms go pretty fucking well, in Taeil’s opinion. He never really feels _confident_ in his abilities, but when it comes time to take the tests, he feels like he’s prepared. He calls Hyungsik after he’s finished with his last one, and Hyungsik meets him outside the nursing building, arms open wide.

“There he is,” Hyungsik cheers, “the king of nursing!” 

Taeil looks around, sees some of the other nursing students giving them weird looks. Taeil doesn’t pay them any mind where he once might have. He steps into Hyungsik’s embrace, and Hyungsik wraps his arms around him easily. He hoists Taeil into the air, shakes him a little, and Taeil groans until Hyungsik sets him back down. 

“Congratulations,” Hyungsik says. “Officially finished your first midterms. How do you feel?” 

“Happy,” Taeil says, and he surreptitiously buries his face into Hyungsik’s chest. 

“Yeah?” He wiggles Taeil back and forth. “Me too.” 

Taeil allows himself to sink a little deeper into Hyungsik’s arms, warm and strong, and he closes his eyes, a wave of relief washing over him. 

“We should celebrate,” Hyungsik says. 

“Yeah? How?” 

“Let’s go shopping,” Hyungsik says. 

Taeil snorts. “For what?” 

“Halloween costumes,” Hyungsik says. “Obviously.” 

The week of testing had made him forget momentarily about the party. Taeil attempts to keep his body still, but he must tense up, because Hyungsik puts a hand on his back, rubs gently. 

“If you don’t wanna go, I won’t make you,” Hyungsik says. 

“No, I… I wanna go,” Taeil says. 

“You sure? You seem… like you don’t wanna go,” Hyungsik laughs. 

“I do.” 

“Promise?” 

“Yeah, I promise.” 

“Okay,” Hyungsik says, and he squeezes Taeil in his arms. “If you’re sure, then we should start looking for costumes.” 

“Oh, yeah,” Taeil smiles. “That’s my favorite part of Halloween.” 

Hyungsik smiles, and they start walking towards his car, hand in hand. “I know there’s one of those pop-up Halloween stores down the street. Wanna stop there?” 

“I usually go to Goodwill,” Taeil says. 

Hyungsik tilts his head to the side. “Explain.” 

“Well, if you go looking for a specific thing, then sometimes it can be a lot cheaper, and like, more authentic looking,” Taeil says. “Is this a poor thing to say?” 

“No, no, I love it,” Hyungsik says. “I’ve never been to a Goodwill.” 

“Not even during the Macklemore hype?” 

“No, definitely not. I am very comfortable spending more than fifty dollars for a t-shirt,” Hyungsik quips.

Taeil snorts, and Hyungsik tightens his hand around Taeil’s like he’s trying to say _Don’t let go._  
  


∑

It is much different, shopping with Hyungsik as opposed to shopping alone.

“This is _two dollars_?” Hyungsik asks, holding up a frilly white shirt with a red tag. “This is a steal.” 

“Yeah,” Taeil says encouragingly. “It is.” 

“We should be pirates,” Hyungsik says. “Gay pirates.” 

“That is definitely an option.” He plays with the ruffles of the shirt. “Or vampires.” 

“Oh, you’re good at this,” Hyungsik says, and he starts scanning the racks for another frilly shirt to match. “So, what’s the story, hm? Did I turn you? Have you turned me?” 

“I definitely turned you,” Taeil says, and he bites his lip as he realizes how it sounds. 

“Oh, _did you_ now?” 

Taeil walks off, looking for richly colored vests, but to his surprise, Hyungsik follows close behind. He throws his arms around Taeil’s waist from behind, resting his chin on Taeil’s shoulder. 

“I just wanted to say,” Hyungsik says, “that I, uh, really enjoy spending time with you.” 

“W—Yeah, me too,” Taeil says. “Why are you saying this to me?” 

“Because I thought it would be nice.” 

_It is nice,_ Taeil thinks, _it’s just about the nicest thing you could say to me._

“Thank you,” Taeil says, dreaming about what might happen if Hyungsik asked Taeil to be his boyfriend, the way Taeil would want to say yes with all his heart.  
  


∑

The apartment is off campus, one of Hyungsik’s equally rich friends hosting. Hyungsik holds Taeil’s hand as they walk up the stairs, and Taeil feels excruciatingly awkward. He tries to shove his anxiety down to his feet, tamping it down as they clomp up the stairs together.

“Just remember,” Hyungsik says. “No worries. Lowkey and fun.” 

“Yes,” Taeil says, and he squeezes Hyungsik’s hand in his. 

“I already warned them,” Hyungsik says, “I told them to be cool or else.” He shakes his fist in an exaggerated fashion, and he aims a little smile at Taeil. 

Something about that, while it should feel nice, feels very, very bad. _He was only trying to make you feel more comfortable_ , Taeil tells himself. _It has nothing to do with the fact that you are an outsider looking in. It’s not because he thinks you’re incapable of fitting in._

Taeil bites his lip as they walk through the doorway, loud music pumping out into the hall. 

“You want something to drink?” Hyungsik asks, and Taeil immediately scans the room thick with humanity, guys and girls dressed in various superstore costumes. 

“Yeah,” Taeil says, and as Hyungsik leads him to the fridge, he thinks _Good, at least I’ll have something to pass the time._  
  


∑

He gets much drunker than he initially intended to get.

He is sitting on one of the couches, and a bunch of people are playing Kings. Hyungsik is at his side, talking to one of his friends. Earlier, Taeil tried to hold up some conversation, but the more he drank, the less comfortable he felt, the more he realized he didn’t belong here. 

“Hey,” Hyungsik says, nudging Taeil’s thigh with his fist. “Do you wanna head out?” 

“Do you want to leave?” Taeil asks. 

“No, but I just didn’t want to force you to stay if you weren’t having any fun,” Hyungsik shrugs. 

“Do you think I’m not having fun?” 

“I mean, are you?” 

For some reason, it fucking incenses him, though he can’t say for certain whether that’s because of genuine emotion or because of the way alcohol is swimming in his bloodstream. 

Taeil stands up suddenly, and he walks to the bathroom with tears in his eyes. Hyungsik is quick to follow him, knocking gently on the door after Taeil’s closed it behind him. 

“Taeil,” Hyungsik says. “Let me in. I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Taeil says. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“Clearly, I did.” 

Taeil panics, realizing how melodramatic he must seem to all of Hyungsik’s friends. He opens the door sharply, pulling him inside. Hyungsik’s eyes are wide, confused. 

“I’m sorry,” Taeil says, and the tears spill down his face. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m like this.” 

“You’re not like anything,” Hyungsik says, and he puts his hands on Taeil’s shoulders, massaging him gently. “It’s okay. If you want—” 

“W-We’re not even together,” Taeil says, eyes glassy. “And I’m still fucking crazy.” 

“I don’t think you’re crazy,” Hyungsik says. “Why do you think that?” 

“B-Because! Look at me!” He gestures to their surroundings, gestures to himself. “I’m making… I’m making everything about me! This was important to you, and I’m ruining it!” 

“Taeil,” Hyungsik says, a soft smile on his face. “It’s fine, okay? It’s fine. Really. I swear.” 

“I’m just… I don’t belong with these people, you know?” Taeil says. “I’m not, like, a person who has a lot of cool friends! I don’t go to parties! I don’t do things like this!” 

“I’m not like other girls,” Hyungsik says, and Taeil spits out a surprised laugh. “It’s okay if you aren’t comfortable with stuff like this, seriously. I don’t wanna—”

“I’m not, but it’s… it’s because I don’t belong here,” Taeil says. “And once everyone finds out—I just don’t wanna have to deal with the aftermath.” 

Hyungsik bites his lip as he steps forward, and Taeil closes his eyes, leans his forehead against Hyungsik’s shoulder as he holds him. 

“You belong here because I say you do, okay?” Hyungsik says. “And I get that, like, you don’t wanna feel like I’m pushing you into this circle, but just until you find people you like, okay? My circle doesn’t necessarily have to be yours, but… but it could be, you know? At least a little.” He pulls back slightly, and he knocks his forehead against Taeil’s. “Our circles could intersect like a Venn Diagram, baby.” 

Silly, stupid, the petname zips through Taeil like a fucking lightning bolt, and he shuts his eyes. 

“I’m never gonna have a circle,” Taeil confesses. 

“You will,” Hyungsik says. “It’s only been a couple months. Give it time.” 

Taeil doesn’t want to give anything time. He got drunk and hysterical, and he let out his crazy. 

And somehow, some way, Hyungsik is still here. 

“Okay,” Taeil says. “I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” Hyungsik says, and he presses a kiss to Taeil’s forehead. “And for what it’s worth, I think we should be together, okay?” 

Taeil opens his eyes slowly, and the music is filtering in through the thin walls. Hyungsik approaches slowly, gives Taeil plenty of time to run, but Taeil doesn’t want to run. Taeil wants to open his arms as wide as they can go, open his heart to this. 

Hyungsik kisses Taeil softly, and it tastes like cheap beer, but still, Taeil thinks it is just about the most romantic moment of his entire life, even if it does happen in the bathroom.  
  


∑

After Halloween, he officially calls Hyungsik his boyfriend. It seems completely fucking surreal, something so unattainable and cool that it shouldn’t be happening in Taeil’s real life. Still, neither his anxiety nor his self-esteem issues seem to change the fact that it _is_ his real life, that Hyungsik is pretty much completely perfect for him.

The beginning of November passes in a flurry of romance, and often, Taeil feels like he’s dreaming. He never seems to expect the sweet things that Hyungsik does, bringing Taeil coffee in the morning, swinging by so that they can walk to lunch together in the cafe. Hyungsik is always the first to stretch out his hand, always the first to initiate contact. 

Slowly but surely, Taeil relaxes into the relationship. Slowly, surely, Taeil feels a little less uncomfortable standing in Hyungsik’s light. 

As they walk across the quad towards the dorms, Taeil sticks out his hand, bumping his knuckles against Hyungsik’s delicately. Hyungsik jumps on the opportunity, lacing their fingers together, and he squeezes Taeil’s hand in his. 

“I really like you,” Hyungsik says. 

“I really like you too,” Taeil confesses, and Hyungsik makes an adorable, perfect little screech as he pulls Taeil to a stop, kissing him quickly. 

“I like you, I like you, I like you,” Hyungsik says, and he peppers Taeil’s face with kisses. “Has it sunk in? Does it finally make sense to you?” 

_No,_ Taeil thinks as he laughs, _but yes, yes, yes._  
  


∑

Taeil has never been happier than he is when he’s with Hyungsik, and interestingly, it seems to positively affect other areas of his life. He studies better, does better in his classes, and one day before Thanksgiving break, something amazing happens.

They have to work in pairs for a task, and Taeil completes his work diligently without pause. Just as class is wrapping up and Taeil is closing his books, he feels a tap at his shoulder. He whips around, and the guy he worked with is staring back at him, brows raised. 

“S-Sorry,” Taeil says. “Um—”

“No, I’m sorry,” he says. “Just, uh, my name is Johnny. I just realized we never introduced ourselves.” He steps back a little. “Also, I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“You didn’t scare me,” Taeil says. 

“You looked scared,” Johnny says. 

Taeil twitches a brow. “Can I help you?” 

“I just wanted to, like, see if you wanted to study together sometime,” Johnny offers, and he takes his phone out of his pocket. “You’re always, like, participating and stuff, and I thought we worked well together. Also, I am kind of struggling in this class, so I dunno. Just thought it was worth asking.” 

“I’m not… you want to study?” Taeil asks. 

“Yeah, or like, be friends,” Johnny shrugs. “Or both.” 

“Oh,” Taeil says. “That’s… okay.” 

“Cool,” Johnny says. He raises his phone. “Could I get your number?” 

“Yeah, sure,” Taeil says, and once he’s finished, Johnny shoots him a text, smiling when he gets it. 

“I’ll text you,” Johnny says, waving as he leaves, and Taeil stands there for several minutes before he realizes what’s just happened. 

After hoisting his backpack onto his shoulder, Taeil hurries back to the dorms, immediately going to Hyungsik’s room. He knocks on Hyungsik’s door, and he calls Hyungsik’s name, fidgeting back and forth before Hyungsik answers, hair ruffled. 

_Right_ , Taeil remembers. _Nap time._

“Hey,” Hyungsik says, and he frowns. “Are you okay?” 

“I-I met someone,” Taeil says. “A guy from my class.” 

“A guy?” Hyungsik asks, raising his brow. “Is he cute? Do you like him?” 

“W—No,” Taeil says. “He’s my new friend.” 

Hyungsik’s smile dawns like the sun, and he pulls Taeil into his arms. “A _friend_?” 

“Yeah,” Taeil says. “I don’t know how it happened.” 

“People like you,” Hyungsik says. “You are cool, and you are easy to like.” 

Taeil closes his eyes against Hyungsik’s chest, sighing out happily as they stand in the doorway. 

“Sorry to wake you,” Taeil whispers. 

“Nah,” Hyungsik says. “But I will require you to come cuddle with me for the next fifteen minutes.” 

“Okay,” Taeil says, and he lets himself be pulled to Hyungsik’s bed, curling into the warm embrace.  
  


∑

The long weekend for Thanksgiving break comes quickly, and before long, Taeil realizes that he’s gonna have to say goodbye to Hyungsik for at least a couple days. Feeling strangely regretful, Taeil is overjoyed when Hyungsik suggests that he and Taeil eat dinner together in his room, having one last movie night.

They eat fried chicken and mac and cheese on Hyungsik’s spare bed, licking their fingers in between scenes of _10 Things I Hate About You_. After they’re finished eating, they move to Hyungsik’s bed, comfy with plush blankets and pillows. Taeil relaxes back into Hyungsik’s arms as they watch together, but when Hyungsik begins to press kisses to the side of Taeil’s face, he finds it difficult to focus on anything besides that. 

“I’m gonna miss you,” Hyungsik says. “I know that’s silly, it’s only gonna be a weekend, but still…” 

“Yeah,” Taeil whispers, and he turns to face Hyungsik in bed. “I’m gonna miss you too.” 

Hyungsik kisses him gently, softly, sweetly, and Taeil moans. He thinks he’s in love with Hyungsik, in love with the way he always seems to know what to do and say, how to make Taeil feel good. He holds himself close, and he gasps as Hyungsik pulls back slowly, staring into Taeil’s eyes. He dips in for another kiss, this one chaste and short, but Hyungsik doesn’t put much distance between them, almost none at all. 

“Hey,” Hyungsik says, his lips moving against Taeil’s, “remember when I let you stay in my room?” 

“Y-Yeah,” Taeil says, hands on Hyungsik’s neck. 

“Remember you owe me one?” 

“Yeah,” Taeil says. 

“Can I call that favor in now?” Hyungsik smiles, and he gingerly presses his hips up and in, moving against Taeil’s. “Is that—”

“ _Yes_ ,” Taeil says, just a little too eager as he kisses Hyungsik hard, moaning softly as Hyungsik licks into his mouth. 

Their bodies find each other, and what was cautious and coy just a moment ago ratchets up suddenly, their hips bumping as they grind together slowly. It is shocking, how good it feels, and Taeil has no frame of reference for something so pleasurable, something so bone-shatteringly _delicious_. He tilts his chin up as he aims a soft, gentle sound to the ceiling, and Hyungsik takes the opportunity to stick one of his thighs between Taeil’s, something for him to grind into, as he presses kisses down Taeil’s jaw. 

Taeil’s always known that Hyungsik’s mouth is dangerous, but he had no idea just _how_ dangerous, not until it is sucking wet kisses to the hollow of his throat. Taeil moans, feels it break out of him, dangerous and wild, and he leans back against the bed, indulging in the feeling. 

He doesn’t know what to do besides cling to Hyungsik like he is searching for his next breath, and when Hyungsik strokes his hand down Taeil’s side, skimming underneath Taeil’s shirt, he is electrified by the feeling of his fingers on Taeil’s bare skin. 

“Can I touch you?” Hyungsik asks, and Taeil nods, eyes squeezed shut as he pulls his shirt up. Hyungsik is quick to kiss Taeil again, tongue licking into his mouth as his fingers play along the muscles of Taeil’s chest. 

He moans into Hyungsik’s mouth as it all bleeds through him, desperate and full of lust. Taeil has so many emotions swelling inside him, so much that he wants to act on, and when Hyungsik grinds his erection into Taeil’s yet again, Taeil can’t just lie back and do nothing. After all, he’s been dreaming about this since the very first time he saw Hyungsik’s face. 

He gingerly pushes Hyungsik back by the shoulder, laying him on his back. His eyes are wide as he stares up at Taeil, perched over him. 

“Hi,” Hyungsik gasps. 

“Hi,” Taeil says. “Can I touch you?” 

“Y-Yeah,” Hyungsik says, almost _surprised_ , and that bolsters Taeil’s esteem. 

He grabs Hyungsik’s cock through his sweats, and Hyungsik’s back bows. 

“O-Oh,” Hyungsik moans. “Okay, okay.” Taeil gives him a little stroke, rubbing up and down the length, and Hyungsik’s eyes shut tight. “ _Jesus_.” 

“Is this okay?” Taeil asks. 

“Only if I get to do the same,” Hyungsik laughs, and he moves his hand down, touches Taeil through his pants. 

It is the new best thing he’s ever felt, and he nearly doubles over as Hyungsik plays with him, touches him like he’s been dreaming about it just as much as Taeil has been. 

They move forward slowly, but Taeil feels the heat swallowing him up, his abdomen streaked red with want. He tilts his hips up, thrusts into Hyungsik’s hand, and he kisses him hard, needing… needing _more_.

It is then that Hyungsik pulls Taeil’s pants down just a touch, and the first hit of the cool air makes his whole body shiver. Not to be outdone, Taeil pushes the elastic of Hyungsik’s sweats down off his hips. He looks, takes as many mental pictures as he can manage before Hyungsik drags him into another kiss, fervent and frantic. The heat builds like a wildfire, breathing in the air, growing higher and higher. 

Hyungsik moves his fist, wet with spit, over Taeil’s cock, and it feels like Taeil is unraveling. Each new move, each twist and flick and ridge of his fingers feels different, feels like boiling water scalding his skin. His lashes flutter as he calls Hyungsik’s name, as Hyungsik calls his name in return. 

He moans, overwhelmed, head spinning. Before he can warn Hyungsik, before he can hold himself back any longer, the wave washes over him, over and over again. 

He comes into Hyungsik’s hand, his heartbeat and his moans so loud that he can’t hear anything besides. He keeps moving his hand through it, pulling sounds from Hyungsik as he too tumbles over the edge, shooting against Taeil’s stomach. It is warm, deeply satisfying on a visceral level and he groans as he flops back onto the bed, all of the energy zapped from him. He shuts his eyes, allows himself a moment to get his breathing under control before he turns to Hyungsik with a smile. 

Taeil finds him already smiling back. 

“Now we’re even,” Hyungsik says, and Taeil smacks him quickly before pulling him into another kiss, each better than the last.

**Author's Note:**

> i boldly go where no one else has gone before me. hope u enjoyed! or not! whatever! weird pairings are the best bc i can just write literally whatever and it does not matter. anyhow! have a good day! love you! 
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/okamiwind) | [my curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/okamiwind)


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